Tomorrow will be my 7th year of knowing that the Stage 1 Breast cancer had become Metastatic and taken up residence in my lungs.
Friday, March 11, 2011
At least I can laugh….
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
9:23 a.m. I received the call I never wanted to receive again – Texas Oncology calling me to tell me that something on my CT scans came back and my Dr wanted to see me ASAP.
My plan for the day was to go to the gym with Gina and then head to Central Market to let the kids play. Well, the plan changed. I called Eric almost about to throw up telling him he needed to meet me at tx oncology at 3:30 and then called Gina to tell her to come over and she needed to watch Ian at 3:00. Fast forward to Central Market, we let the boys run and play, ordered food and a glass of wine and headed up to our usual spot on the outside upstairs deck to have it all to ourselves.
15 minutes later, a women’s head peaks out the door, “wow, it is nice out here,” she said. “It is a great place for us to let the kids run around, and we enjoy lunch,” I say (FAIR WARNING in that statement with me saying “let the kids run around”). Fast forward another 15 minutes, we have food, a glass of wine due to the call earlier and the boys are well, being boys. The one woman has grown to a group of 4 or 5 not really sure. Well Parker and Ian think it will be fun to yell at the nasty birds and honestly I don’t care at this point – more than don’t care, I don’t give a F*CK what others are thinking at this point. The one old lady at the table says, “they are hurting our ears” “well, sorry – we were here first, we sit out here for a reason, and they are just being boys,” I say. Gina and I continue to eat, the boys continue to munch and run around. They start hollering down at BB and the old lady comes over to us and says, “You don’t own this patio” (REALLY??? You think we would actually be eating here if we did??!?!?) “blah blah blah” (at this point I totally tuned her out because I wasn’t having it) then I snapped, I was done. “You know what, I received a call from my oncologist telling me I have cancer for a second and at this point I don’t care, I don’t care what they are doing and I don’t care if it is bothering you” “well, I am on codeine – we all have our problems.” Then me and Gina just laugh, we can’t help it we just laugh. I wish I was on codeine and I sure as heck wouldn’t be acting like that!
Sylvia gets there at the very tail end of the “confrontation” and Gina and I are laughing and crying, Sylvia has no idea what the hell is going on and I just want to drink more wine. And that we did, I went and bought us a bottle, and we sat out in the sunshine and enjoyed ourselves.
3:30 Get to oncologist and feel like I am seriously going to puke, still a little buzzed and just pissed. Eric and I try to pass time by playing each other in words with friends – I guess it helped the puking feeling. Got called back – SH*T, here we go. Got weighed and am down another pound (whoot whoot!) and more waiting. Knock, knock F*CK, it is real. “Hi there, can I come in,” she says, “I guess.” “So, have you been feeling okay” and right then I knew. “Well, I have been having trouble breathing but I thought it was seasonal asthma/allergies”….you thought wrong sucker.
She said there is a chance it is some random infection to which I said, well a child in Ian’s mother day out had whooping cough. “Have you had a cough?” “No” “Not whooping cough…” yes, I was grasping for anything.
From this point on, I am not really sure what was said and the best Eric and I can piece together: 2 masses on lunges, one on each; might be wrapped around a blood vessel and limp node, some smaller areas of concern but aren’t called lesions. She told me we can’t know it is cancer until we have gathered all our facts, which will be in my lung biopsy.
Here is what I did hear, the sadness in her voice when she told me to gather my support system because I was going to need them and the love in her hug as I broke down in her arms. Pull it together to walk out and start scheduling everything. On Wednesday: lung Dr at 9:30 & head MRI at 2:55 and on Friday, PET scan.
Leave, very shaken trying to decide who to call and what to do. Call mom, ask her if she can talk and am pretty sure before she even answers me I am a puddle on the phone and probably not making much sense. Texted Gina to have her get Sylvia and Teri and all them come over at 8:30 after kids are down. Eric and I make margaritas and let Ian eat dinner on the couch. Girls come over at 8:30 and drinking wine commences and goes on for awhile.
Oh, funny side note, Gina told me, “Girl you got Sylvia to pray for the first time today – you got the atheist to pray!!” Again, at least we can laugh.