Yin/Yang of my weekend
This weekend was a complete yin/yang of life. Some awesome/some not.
I am not good with dates on the calendar. I usually don’t realize/remember what events happened on what date. 🤷🏻♀️ I know things are around certain dates, but I usually don’t remember the exact dates.
Saturday I went over to one of my friends houses for her birthday get together. These are my neighborhood family. These girls in my hood are some of my strongest rocks in my life, defiantly the group of friends that make me laugh the hardest, and understand my struggles with all the ups and downs I experience because they are the ones I call on for immediate help.
Per normal, we had a great time. We laughed, talked, ate and loved on each other while celebrating our friend.
(Top picture is a party picture and bottom picture is the canvas and card I made and gave for J Birthday gift.)
Sunday I went to Autumn’s house to do a clean cooking lesson with one of her friends.
Backstory: I met Autumn through Holley. Holley was a lot like me – she had several groups of friends who didn’t know the other groups well. Although, the last time Holley was in the hospital, all the 2 groups met and a few of us fell in lover with each other, and formed our own friendships.
3 years ago was when Holley passed from Metastatic Breast Cancer (MBC). She was the first out of the 5 of us Lifers who passed away from MBC, and it hit us hard…HARD. For some reason the 5 of us thought the MBC was going to treat us all differently.
Expect for me.
Back to yesterday.
I had a small breakdown yesterday after getting home from our cooking class.
I started thinking about how in 3 short years, I have lost 4 best friends and numerous others MBC girls from our large group here in Austin.
It never gets easier when I sit down and let the questions blowup in my head: why did theirs progress the way it did, why did some of their treatments work and not others (all the questions we need answers to), why did my treatments work, what about their families and on and on…this is why I don’t let myself venture downs this hole very often…it is a sad and scary place to be.
So I cried a lot last night.
I cried for Holley.
I cried for Kelli.
I cried for Courtney.
I cried for Kristi.
I cried for myself.
I needed that cry. I needed to let all those emotions I still carry around with me go because they still f*ck with me.
I decided that me letting the emotions go doesn’t mean I am forgetting them. It means I am doing what I need to do for me, and that is ok.