Renee Sendelbach I hate to say this but as time passes by, I do forget large
and small events of my life until something jolts my memory back to remembering…so,
I guess “forget” isn’t the correct word.
I guess a better phrase would be, certain memories are on the back burner.
Then BAM, Facebook tells me it is a birthday of a friend….but
that friend is with the Angels now.
She was my first Stage 4 friend to pass away.
We got to know each other as mommies who were trading Sky
Landers for our kids…yes, it still makes me roll my eyes and smile at the same
time thinking about what I did to get Ian the stupid Sky Landers that he
wanted. It was a way for me to make
myself be “okay” with me having cancer…buy him off…yes I say that only half
joking.
I met Dinora at a Pink Ribbon Cowgirls meeting. I was
diagnosed Stage 4 and had become NED in my body all before she was diagnosed
Stage 4 and soon after passed away. I
remember her calling me to tell me it was in her brain, and how scared she was
and begging me to tell her what I did to get the cancer in my body to go away…
I wish I had an answer for her.
I wish I had an answer for all the others after her who have
asked me the same question.
I prayed a lot. But I
know others do too.
I visualized the cancer in me being eaten like Pac Man.
I don’t know what made the cancer in my body go away and the
cancer in others not?
Yes, I am still left with survivor’s guilt when I stop and
think about it.
Maybe survivor’s guilt isn’t the right word…survivor’s
questions.
