So very thankful

Thanksgiving 2014

At first I thought I was going to write about how my last
few Thanksgivings were really hard for me because my body wasn’t healthy.

Then I thought, I don’t want to talk about that BECAUSE this
Thanksgiving I have SO much to be thankful for.

God – I see the way He works in my day to day life. I see He
has always been there (even through the hardest of hard times) and He is here
in my day to day life.

I am thankful I am able to share that this hope has been in my
soul always…and that same hope that is in YOUR soul – even if it is a little
covered up by uck at the moment…it is still there.  It will ALWAYS be there.

My soul –

I am thankful for the courage my soul has insisted
on me having and showing.  I am thankful
for the fighting spirit my Soul gives me in everything I do.

My family – It hasn’t just been me fighting these battles
for the past 6.5 years – my whole family has been there.

I can’t imagine if the roles were reversed…if it were me
watching Eric, Ian, my mom, my dad, my sister…I can’t imagine how hard it has
been for them watching me go through this. 
I know if it were possible, all of them would trade places with me in a
heartbeat.  But to be honest, I am glad
it isn’t possible, because I don’t think I could what they always do.

My friends – I throw them into my family category.

In a weird way, I am thankful for all the shit I have been
through.

I have learned some really hard lessons, BUT these lessons
make me who I am now.  A me I am really thankful for.

I DO believe because of my crazy cancer story, I can be an
inspiration to others. 

I can show them that even when life throws mud in your face,
you can somehow use that mud for the better. 

I can show them that it will take time to clean yourself
off.

I can show them that it will take time to figure out how to
use the mud.

I can show them that it will take time to get over being mad
and appalled that this happened to you.

I can show them that it will take time to forgive whoever
slung the mud…even if it was God.

All of it – it all takes time.

And that is ok.

I am thankful I have the time to figure all this out.

I am thankful that I found my voice.

I am thankful I have found my place in the world.

I am thankful I kept getting back up (yes, even if a few of
those times I was forced up my Eric and my mom).

I am thankful me saying no, wasn’t really a possibility –
even if it sounded like a good idea one day – the next day I knew what had to
be done.

I am thankful.

I am so very thankful.