What is Breast Cancer to me?

It is a lot more than the pretty pink ribbons people like to
doll it up with…well, some people – I assume – yes, I am grouping people
together here.

Cancer…any cancer isn’t pretty no matter how you look at it.

I don’t want to wear a pink anything to show the world I
have breast cancer…and that stinks because I really do love a nice pink shirt
with a fun skirt.

But now I question if I wear this or that, will everyone
know I have cancer??

I really don’t want everyone to know I cancer.  

I finally have hair again, so it isn’t an automatic known
for anyone.

I don’t want to have to tell everyone who asks that I have
had it once and “beat” and it decided it wasn’t done with me – so now I have
Stage 4 cancer.

Stage 4 is the ugly stage…the NON CURABLE stage.

I wish there was no pink anything for anyone to wear so that
would mean no one had breast cancer.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are “pretty” things that do
come out of cancer:

You can find yourself…your real
self that you never knew was in there – your strong self that God fills with
life day after day

You help people find compassion for
others and realize EVERYONE is going through something no matter how pretty
perfect they look on the outside.

You meet this whole new subgroup of
people who truly understand your pain and this subgroup becomes one of your
main groups of not just others cancer chicks, but true friends.

You learn to say yes and no to what
your heart is really telling you to do – it is scary – even when you are
sick.  What if someone gets mad at
you?  You learn if they get mad at you,
their love for themselves is greater than their love for others and it is okay
to let that person go.

You learn life is FULL of the
unknown and how to truly be thankful for each day. Even if it is a feel bad
day, a day you lay on the couch all day or a day you are able to do everything
you want to do – to learn to thank God for every second of everyday – because
you truly don’t know what will happen next.

You learn not to try to plan life
out because again…you don’t know what will happen next and really, YOUR plan
really means nothing in the grand scheme of things.

I pray every day – every moment I think of it for Him to
show/teach me something out of this – teach me how to teach others find their
Hope, Strength, Grace and so much more through their own journeys…whatever that
journey may be.

What is breast cancer you??